blog 4

Blog 4
To: T. Leoni, Manager, Personnel Department
From: Donald Pryzblo, Manager, Data Processing Department
Subject: INCORRECT PAYROLL CHECKS
I have been reviewing the the situation involving the errors in the computer files dealing with our companies payroll, and I think we both can agree we have a problem that needs to be addressed.After our meeting I put a good bit of thought and consideration towards this matter and reviewed the time sheets and time tickets. I have found 35 errors out of the 37 entries. This leads me back to my original statement that it is clear cut that the majority of the errors were made by your clerks. Due to the corporate hierarchy it is my department that gets blamed for these mistakes for correctly copying the faulty time tickets prepared by your clerks.You and I discussed the requirement of my computer operators of comparing their entries against the time sheets from which your clerks prepare. This has proved to be time consuming and I will not hire additional employees to monitor the mistakes made by yours. It is clear we have to come to a middle ground here to keep both of our bosses happy. Unfortunately my people do not have the time to check and correct errors made, it is only their job to copy and enter them into the system. I would recommend that you instruct your clerks to carefully review their work before submitting it to the computer operators.In this letter I have revised the body of the text to be a little more personal and try to help explain the importance of why his personnel needs to double check their work before submitting it. The first thing I did was change the opening lines. The very first two sentences were very abrasive and could set the reader in a defensive mind set. This is counter productive and needed to be changed. I tried to extend the shortness of each sentence by expanding on the subject being discussed. This, I felt, took away from the snappyness of the letter, while it still holds a forceful, yet polite, tone. I didn't feel this letter needed to be incredibly polite or pleasing because in a company mistakes in payroll like that would not be accepted and both of our jobs would be on the line. Due to the nature of the letter I felt the tone needed to be forceful, yet polite, so things could quickly change.